Chemical Bond

“A cracked out, goofy speedball”

I just came up with something fucked.

Say it’s your last hoorah before rehab. You’ve tried everything but your “problem drug” is heroin, preferably in a speedball. You’re suicidally depressed, and you just robbed someone dear to you, to wrangle up 45$ (I didn’t rob anyone).

You get this idea for one last blast…

First you want to get your favourite stirry pot clean, and ready. Take 0.05g of methamphetamine (5$), 0.1g of heroin (20$), 0.1g of cocaine (10$) and place them all In the little pot. Add 50ius of water using a sterile syringe, heat until all soluble matter is dissolved. If you’re fucked enough to actually do this, I really hope you can obtain drugs pure enough that such will all dissolve so completely that you could get away with not using a filter.

Draw the mixture into your rig and depending on your skill/quality of veins, do what is necessary to prepare yourself to inject, as well as place 0.1gs of crack into a pipe, lightly heat, melting a potion into the Brillo.

Lastly it is advised that you tie up loose ends, perhaps ask Jesus for forgiveness.

Will all aforementioned apparatuses and ingredients prepared, take a few deep breaths, after exhaling the last one proceed to smoke that hoot, immediately upon completion, Injecting the mixture, ideally holding In the hoot through out, until roughly ten seconds after the injection is finished. Exhale the crack smoke just as the effects of the injection are well into the commencement of taking effect.

This should be interesting.

We bin fuck’n more often

Sweet mother of fuck has it ever been good, it’s absolutely insane how much ones overall satisfaction with life can be so profoundly altered by the current condition of a serious, sexual relationship. She has randomly started deep throttling my cock like she never has before, which, after being together as long as we have, absolutely blows my fucking mind. Like she’s been holding out all this time or something.

As always, our genitals quite noticeably seem to exist absolutely ideal for one another. It fits perfectly. What she likes, I like. She screams, I moan. The amount of orgasms we’ve shared at the exact same time is absolutely exceptional. An I’m not talking about, she starts coming, and then I do within a few seconds, or vice versa, I don’t even count that as the same time anymore, although both parties are still actively achieving an orgasm at the same time. No, I’m talking about spot on, in the intense climax of the action, just as she starts to come, I slow my rate of thrusting rapidly. From predominantly fast, to a fraction of the speed, but making contact with a far greater force, on that initial thrust, I begin to ejaculate inside of her pussy. As she tries to hold back the volume of her moans, I continue to make those thrusts. Desirable for her orgasm, she rides into it with a suitable motion, each almost “too intense” to my ejaculating, sensitive cock. Nearly every thrust we simultaneously decrease in speed, and at a different rate, decrease in force, until cessation is fully met, one now just lying on top of the other, both panting, occasionally moaning. There’s a good half a minute there where it’s like “holy fuck that was perfect” but neither of us are saying anything. Just silent, catching our breath, both knowing, and appreciating it, still stationary inside of her.

Yet quite often if I was given the two options side by side, I’d choose a speedball over that. lol.

Drug hypocrisy is so fucked

Alcoholic: At least I’m not a fucking pot head!


Pot Head: It’s medicinal, it’s good for you, now, psychedelics, those are fucked!


Acid Tripper: Hey, no one ever overdoses on this shit, E’s fucked up!


E-Tard: Whatever, you just eat it, at least I don’t have to stick it in my nose, that’s sick, cokes fucked!


Coke Head: It’s still pretty socially acceptable, at least I’m not a fucking crack head!


Crack Head: tina users are fucked!


Crystal Meth Tweeker: I’m way better off than some piece of shit heroin junky!


Heroin Junky: Societies fucked! *passes out

Smoker: All you druggies are fucked!

Nicotine is one of the most addictive drugs, used exponentially more than all aforementioned, as well as kills, even second hand.

Me: Societies fucked! *passes out

Well today’s the day I jump

I had a very interesting night with angel last night. Angel is the woman that sells me heroin. It’s generally been a strictly buyer/seller relationship, but last night was a rough day for me, I think it’s partially because I randomly started taking champix, to make sure I don’t full on start smoking again (I’ve been having a couple a day). Without getting into too much detail, at about 11:30(pm) I was outside her house, having a smoke, licking the blood off my hands, and spit washing it off my face. She was waiting to score for us, and I, desperate to just get away from where I was, I came over for a bit. We talked about my desires of cessation, and to my surprise (though she’s likely old enough to be my mother) at one point she was kind of being supportive, and giving me shit. I even said to her at one point “hey, hey, alright, I don’t need to be mothered by my fucking drug dealer.

She set up some of the d she still had on a foil, and I smoked it with her. That was my first time smoking it. Much different than slamming, it was actually “kinda nice” I said to her after about 15 minutes when I finally really noticed its effects (I’m so used to always slamming). We sat at her table talking for a good hour, while she took the occasional hoot of crack, and I took the occasional sip from the can of doctor pepper she gave me. Maybe I’m incredibly lonely, can’t relate to many people, or have really just shut myself off from everyone, but I can’t come anywhere close to putting into words how calming and happy it made me to hang out with her for a while, which is really weird, considering that would also be the first time I’ve hung out with someone while they smoked crack, and the environment was much different than my reg. Yes, you asshole, I am aware that I smoked some heroin, that wasn’t it, it just was really that nice to be social.

She gave me a 10mg vallium, I have pretty much no experience with benzos at all, so I’m actually really looking forward to taking that. She told me she could get OxyNeo 80s for 25$, which even if she sold them to me for 30$, is a great price, unless buying certain amounts to make some kind of deal, I’ve usually only ever paid fifty cents a milligram, no matter what it is. She told me she can get me more vallium, but not to get into that shit, I have enough problems as it is. She also told me she could get dillies, and morphine, both excite me. I’ve only smashed a dilly once and I thought it was fucking awesome. She told me I could also smash the morphine, which naturally also interests me. Shitty timing, me hell bent on getting clean right now.

That being said, I’ve never thought negatively about popping the odd oxy while suffering heroin withdrawal to be all that counter productive, only taking an amount that you won’t even feel, but will take some of the pain away, of course.

Once the dope finally got there I peaced out, and banged a couple dark, one point shots before I even got home. After continuing some fighting and tears, the reason that I left my house, we eventually “made up” or whatever. I gave her a small shot. That dopes so good she said “ahhh, I felt that right away” we went to bed, I fucked her for about 20 minutes or so, I figure. She got off 3 times, I almost never have an orgasm when using, especially after having just done over a couple points there was no way that was gonna happen. But there’s nothing I like better, when using just heroin, than to give her some, and give a her a good fuck, and always get her off at the very least 2-3 times. She loves it. I love the warmth, and closeness. I think I took a couple small shots between “sleeping”, and probably only actually slept for a couple hours. Thank god it’s Friday. Oh wait, fuck me I’m jumping today.

It’s cold

It’s not the season for this shit!
Not that there is one.

I’ve got a bunch to post tonight

At any time I mentioned cessation, like a junky, I was full of shit. Dear sweet mother of fuck, not only was I lying to myself, but I was also blogging bullshit on the Internet too. I couldn’t tell you the last time I’ve gone 48 hours without a fix, I assume it was before I started this, my latest “binge”, back on November. I’m once again making an honest effort to quit, but this time, if I don’t do it, I’m going to the fucking methadone clinic and getting on suboxone.

Here in Canada you can’t just get a prescription for a suboxone taper. No, like methadone, you have to spend months receiving “witnessed doses” before they “gain your trust” and then you’re allowed small amounts of “caries”. Jesus fucking Christ I could write an essay about the senseless of that alone. Gain their trust….!? You have no other option but to take the witnessed dose, but after a while, then they trust you!? You can’t possibly even fuck up tho… For fuck sakes. I almost wonder if they just want to make sure, that by taking it for a couple months, you are now certainly totally fucking dependant on their drugs (subs or done) and will then be much less likely/able to handle selling it. In August I went on subs for like… 2 maybe 3 days, and thought of it to be a miracle drug, but after reading much on the difficulty of kicking that I decided to just stop, and stayed clean for weeks, likely the longest I ever was since I first shot up, last spring.

Anyway, I’m doing another stupid, painful heroin taper, only for a couple days here, last hit being tomorrow. So as is, this is my last bag, I’m cleaning up all my fucking pins, flaps. My back pack, my car, my bedroom, fuck, anywhere I might use a pin there’s likely at least ten old ones hiding somewhere.

So I took a picture of where I was waiting to pick up. Hopefully successful, I was to remember all this. A pic of my last bag, a pic of my last “hit that I do on my car extremely shortly after scoring”, a pic of my pins, my flaps, my track marks. Blaaaah