I had a very interesting night with angel last night. Angel is the woman that sells me heroin. It’s generally been a strictly buyer/seller relationship, but last night was a rough day for me, I think it’s partially because I randomly started taking champix, to make sure I don’t full on start smoking again (I’ve been having a couple a day). Without getting into too much detail, at about 11:30(pm) I was outside her house, having a smoke, licking the blood off my hands, and spit washing it off my face. She was waiting to score for us, and I, desperate to just get away from where I was, I came over for a bit. We talked about my desires of cessation, and to my surprise (though she’s likely old enough to be my mother) at one point she was kind of being supportive, and giving me shit. I even said to her at one point “hey, hey, alright, I don’t need to be mothered by my fucking drug dealer.
She set up some of the d she still had on a foil, and I smoked it with her. That was my first time smoking it. Much different than slamming, it was actually “kinda nice” I said to her after about 15 minutes when I finally really noticed its effects (I’m so used to always slamming). We sat at her table talking for a good hour, while she took the occasional hoot of crack, and I took the occasional sip from the can of doctor pepper she gave me. Maybe I’m incredibly lonely, can’t relate to many people, or have really just shut myself off from everyone, but I can’t come anywhere close to putting into words how calming and happy it made me to hang out with her for a while, which is really weird, considering that would also be the first time I’ve hung out with someone while they smoked crack, and the environment was much different than my reg. Yes, you asshole, I am aware that I smoked some heroin, that wasn’t it, it just was really that nice to be social.
She gave me a 10mg vallium, I have pretty much no experience with benzos at all, so I’m actually really looking forward to taking that. She told me she could get OxyNeo 80s for 25$, which even if she sold them to me for 30$, is a great price, unless buying certain amounts to make some kind of deal, I’ve usually only ever paid fifty cents a milligram, no matter what it is. She told me she can get me more vallium, but not to get into that shit, I have enough problems as it is. She also told me she could get dillies, and morphine, both excite me. I’ve only smashed a dilly once and I thought it was fucking awesome. She told me I could also smash the morphine, which naturally also interests me. Shitty timing, me hell bent on getting clean right now.
That being said, I’ve never thought negatively about popping the odd oxy while suffering heroin withdrawal to be all that counter productive, only taking an amount that you won’t even feel, but will take some of the pain away, of course.
Once the dope finally got there I peaced out, and banged a couple dark, one point shots before I even got home. After continuing some fighting and tears, the reason that I left my house, we eventually “made up” or whatever. I gave her a small shot. That dopes so good she said “ahhh, I felt that right away” we went to bed, I fucked her for about 20 minutes or so, I figure. She got off 3 times, I almost never have an orgasm when using, especially after having just done over a couple points there was no way that was gonna happen. But there’s nothing I like better, when using just heroin, than to give her some, and give a her a good fuck, and always get her off at the very least 2-3 times. She loves it. I love the warmth, and closeness. I think I took a couple small shots between “sleeping”, and probably only actually slept for a couple hours. Thank god it’s Friday. Oh wait, fuck me I’m jumping today.