At any time I mentioned cessation, like a junky, I was full of shit. Dear sweet mother of fuck, not only was I lying to myself, but I was also blogging bullshit on the Internet too. I couldn’t tell you the last time I’ve gone 48 hours without a fix, I assume it was before I started this, my latest “binge”, back on November. I’m once again making an honest effort to quit, but this time, if I don’t do it, I’m going to the fucking methadone clinic and getting on suboxone.
Here in Canada you can’t just get a prescription for a suboxone taper. No, like methadone, you have to spend months receiving “witnessed doses” before they “gain your trust” and then you’re allowed small amounts of “caries”. Jesus fucking Christ I could write an essay about the senseless of that alone. Gain their trust….!? You have no other option but to take the witnessed dose, but after a while, then they trust you!? You can’t possibly even fuck up tho… For fuck sakes. I almost wonder if they just want to make sure, that by taking it for a couple months, you are now certainly totally fucking dependant on their drugs (subs or done) and will then be much less likely/able to handle selling it. In August I went on subs for like… 2 maybe 3 days, and thought of it to be a miracle drug, but after reading much on the difficulty of kicking that I decided to just stop, and stayed clean for weeks, likely the longest I ever was since I first shot up, last spring.
Anyway, I’m doing another stupid, painful heroin taper, only for a couple days here, last hit being tomorrow. So as is, this is my last bag, I’m cleaning up all my fucking pins, flaps. My back pack, my car, my bedroom, fuck, anywhere I might use a pin there’s likely at least ten old ones hiding somewhere.
So I took a picture of where I was waiting to pick up. Hopefully successful, I was to remember all this. A pic of my last bag, a pic of my last “hit that I do on my car extremely shortly after scoring”, a pic of my pins, my flaps, my track marks. Blaaaah
I call them “junky breakfast” and “junky holidays”. My works staff party is tonight, I’ve had about one or two hours of sleep. Me and this Mrs. were up doing speedballs and having sex all night. This binge has to end now, time to clean up for the holidays. Got a hair cut, shaved, gonna suffer withdrawal all weekend, gotta make my family, friends, and coworkers think I’m doing well. Me and my girl are doing great, I’m stoked to be clean with her.
What the fuck is wrong with you, when after an injection you’ve already got your phone set, with 911 dialled, just have to click go, just in case something goes wrong…