Well… You knew this weekend would pretty much say it all, just the same as does the look in her eyes. If I was to have her intoxicated, her eyes wouldn’t scream “you disgust me”, rather with an incredibly cute little smile to suite, they would softly whisper “I love you”. But I can’t do it to her anymore, ironically because if I do we’ll never stand a chance together, and so, she will leave me.
I guess on the bright side, this way there is not some on going struggle where two junkies can just never get it together, and I have my heart broken because she doesn’t love me the same way I do her. I love her. I want the best for her. She doesn’t want the best for her, that’s why she wanted me, and that’s why, without severe, frequent intoxication she doesn’t want me. I’m driving home from my work right now as I type this. I always had my thoughts but now I know, I can see it in her eyes, that I need to cherish every last embrace we now have. My fatality is imminent.